Thursday, January 6, 2011

craigslist (part 1)

I first became aware of craigslist a couple of years ago, when it was frequently in the news for all kinds of sordid things. Since I was happily single and had time on my hands I began browsing around occasionally just to see what was going on, and I discovered what everybody else already knew: there is nothing that you cannot get on craigslist. Just like the line from my favorite Arlo Guthrie song, "You can get anything you want...", except on craigslist even Alice can be had, it seems.

So I began to read the "personals" category pretty regularly and "women seeking men" became my main focus because - well, because I love women. And as I read more and more of the posts I began to learn how the game is played, and about the different types of women who post ads and what they are looking for. It was all very interesting and entertaining but I continued to read passively ("lurking", as it were) for quite a while.

And then the post that totally changed my approach to craigslist appeared. Up until then I had been casually reading posts with no intent beyond amusing myself and passing some time. I wasn't "looking" for anyone or anything and the thought of responding to an ad just had never occurred to me, until I read THE POST. It immediately caught my eye because of the title, and when I read the entire post my first thought was, "She's right - that's EXACTLY how I feel, too!" Here's the post:
I miss the sex (Portland)
Date: 2009-07-31, 9:28PM EDT
Reply To This Post

but I miss the intimacy more. I am past the age of casual sex, one night stands, fwb and not quite available enough to have an intensive relationship. My friend says I need a good friend to sleep with, my question is where do you find one of those. Before I got married I use to have 'that back up guy' now that I am not married all I have is myself. It has been a while since I have had sex but even longer since I have had intimacy. I miss them both. If you have ever been in a marriage that failed then you know that the intimacy ends long before the sex stops.
I like commitment and monogamy so looking for intimacy on CL doesn't make a whole lot of sense but I guess I need to start somewhere. I mean really how do I tell the cute guy at the grocery store that all I really need is some TLC, I miss making out, I miss being touched, I miss being cuddled, I miss having someone ask how my day was and actually be sincerely interested. I miss having a man look at me with longing, desire, hunger, etc
If I had wanted to write my own post this, with only a few modifications for gender of course, would have been it! All of a sudden I realized not only that I really was "looking", now I knew what I was looking for - this was a total epiphany for me! You might think that I immediately hit the "reply to this post" button, but no, I did not. I still was not ready to jump into active participation with the craiglist community, but at least I knew there might be something to be gained if I did. From then on I read the posts with a whole new interest, thinking that maybe if just the right post came along I would muster up the courage to reply.

That's the story of how I came to be and active member of the craigslist "personals" community. I'll continue the saga with some of the experiences I've had in a later post, as I've replied to a lot of ads and even posted a couple of my own with what can best be described as "mixed" results. But it's still fun and I've learned not to take the rejections, which are always a risk of meeting new people, too much to heart.

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